Dream log for night of 9/28

Last night / this morning my dreams were pretty trippy. I was part of a big musical production, I did lots of backflips. Matt was there, miss Orestano was there. It was huge and elaborate and I played one of the main roles and it went successfully.

I had another dream in which my cousin Paula's car was completely snowed in. My mom was there along with my cousin Phillip and it was night time and we were trying to drive somewhere. Driving never seems to go too well, and after I got in the car with Barbara it wasn't long before we were out of control and at some field party (during the day) that gave me the impression / vaguely resemebled the field across the street from me in Monticello.

I think like Donovan Monahan, James Clouser, and Mike Murdoch were there, drinking beer, being rowdy. Me being embarrassed to know them, and moving on further down the muddy path. I remember arriving at a big tent / convention / party. The people I was with weren't really sure what was going on. My entourage somehow shifted to Carlo and Raphael. We were still at this large tent / crowd convention thing, and everyone had fishing poles. I remember hearing it wound up being some anti-gay convention that I was aware of, that Carlo and Raph seemed slower to catch onto. I feel like I may have interacted with one male adult there briefly, but I don't really remember...

Next I saw Becca, she was further up the field and alone. I immediately went over to talk to her and yelled her name. This was a very strange interaction. I got the impression that from the concert that happened before I was now some sort of actor and so was she. She was happy to see me, or seemed to say so at first, but as we had a conversation it just seemed to give me more and more the impression that she was pushing me away and trying not to hurt my feelings by telling me she just wasn't interested. This was probably the easiest to see reflected in real life probably closer than any other situation that happened in the dream; that's exactly what's going on. Eventually, she left walking down to the rest of the crowd ahead of me and I somewhat following her not really wanting to acknowledge what exactly was going on. At this point I got the impression that I was playing the role of Michael Cera in some movie or event. I'm not really sure what else happened once we rejoined the main group.

Hmm... actually the most lucid part of my dreams were definitely the first section. It started off with me and Eric Brown being in some room, clearly at night, in a big building or house. The doors are locked. Eric is trying to remain in control, and I feel like in the dream I just have become aware or woken up. There are two entrances to this door, and they are both locked shut. Eric tells me, or I somehow get the impression I'm not supposed to be opening them. However,I hear people outside and they're knocking on the door. When I see it's two youngish / moderately attractive girls, I let them in, and they immediately start interrogating Eric. I feel kinda bad for betraying him, but I was trapped in there with him and he clearly didn't have a well thought out plan for reconciliation. I hear these girls asking him questions like “When are we going to get our money?” Ulgh, poor Eric. Either way, I start sneaking off exploring the rest of the house, which is quickly degrading into a highly raucous party. I don't know where my shoes are, but I do know I want to get the fuck out of there. Eventually, I sneak out of some back entrance, run in my barefeet over rough ground, and get outside. It's been night time the entire time, but I'm concerned the police are going to come and bust this party and me be lumped in when I have no desire to be there. While outside and have escaped from the house, I get the impression that I may have had in a confrontation, but this scene of my dream kinda blurs from existence and I don't remember there being much of a resolution.

I vaguely remember there being another dream section where I was in a wal-mart / grocery store hybrid, that was where the Jamesway was in Monticello. Home Depot wasn't there. It was also night time and raining, I remember the reflections of the puddles in the parking lot rather vividly. Brian Schulman was somehow involved in this scene.

Probably the most self referential and recursive section of my dream was also early on, where I was dreaming about sleeping. I was sleeping in my own very bed. To a certain extent, I was aware that I was dreaming, and in my own bed, but considering I was also having dreams about dreaming... it was recursive and fucked with my so hard. But I love it. I have the feeling that this part of the dream came early on and maybe one of the section about wal-mart or Eric were part of an inner-dream that I “woke out of” into this dream. Still, in this dream, it was all about bodily sensations and about a big emotional let down: I had the impression I was sleeping with someone. That we were cuddled up together and that I was sleeping with them wrapped up. I'm positive it was Erin, as, she's really the only girl I've ever shared a bed with enveloped with. Still, I never saw her face, and, as I was saying, in this section of the dream, I was dreaming, but was just aware. It's like I knew I was in bed dreaming but I could feel my bodily sensations around me and those of another person wrapped around me. It was very satisfying. Then my bubble burst: I realized it was all a charade. None of it was true. I wasn't really sleeping with a girl so intimately at that very moment. The emotions kind of crushed me, as my sense of certainty against me just collapsed. I was very aware at that moment that I knew that I was dreaming about dreaming, and I interpreted the emotion as something to the effect of “Wow, I guess this means you really are seeking to be intimate with someone in your life and it crushes you to lose it.” I got over the emotion very quickly once I accepted that analysis.

Another part of the dream, which I'm feeling occurred towards the end, involved me being at my grandparent's trailer in Bethel, NY... which I spent copious time as as a child. I was in the hallway, close to the living room, sitting down in it on no chair, and I had the impression there was one or two family members (probably my mom or brother) to my left, but I couldn't tell you who. Sitting in his chair was grandpa. I remember a dog, who, in the dream was actually a coyote was coming down the hallway from the bedroom and was being annoying, aggressive, and trying to bite me. Fortunately it had no teeth, but it still tried to chomp down on most of my forearm. I get the impression that someone from the kitchen yelled at the dog-coyotee hybrid thing, and got it to go away, but it just went after grandpa next. He yelled for help of “Help me with this dog” and seemed unable to do much himself. It was climbing up onto his lap and what not. To which he got a response “Oh you can deal with the dog.” Clearly he couldn't. Still, I didn't do anything either...


That's about all I remember, but pretty crazy dreams overall. It took me awhile to get to sleep last night, as I was in a very intense mental mindset beforehand contemplating a great deal of things. The day overall started off with very high energy levels, work going very smoothly, but after work I kinda felt unproductive and unsatisfied. Reading Overthrow just intensified my feelings of discontent, as I was now miserable at the world. Fortunately,once I decided to go to bed, my mind became very active, I contemplated many important topics, and my mental and emotional wellness rebounded considerably. It was nice a nice finish. Still, I say this, because I feel those conditions strongly increased the vividness of my dreams. Also, I've been making a more conscious effort when I go to sleep to try and be aware / remember my dreams / possibly take control during them. I had a long pre-sleep stage where I was very aware that my body was shutting down and falling asleep yet I couldn't / didn't want to fully engage it as I was afraid it'd wind up waking me up. I'm sure that also contributed to me remembering almost every dream I had last night.

Yeesh, all of this is so personal to me. I haven't even gotten into interpreting it all...